How Narcissists Use Your Pain to Feel Superior

Narcissists don’t care how you feel.

They don’t feel bad when you suffer. They might even feel superior to you because you are suffering and they aren’t. So very often, your suffering affirms them as a greater, more important, more powerful, more astute, more deserving person.

Narcissists do care how you perceive them. They require you to submit to how they see themselves. If they see themselves as gentle, you’d better not perceive them being rough.

So if you see a narcissist being rough, and they need to be seen as gentle, they will make sure that you know it’s your fault. They’ll find a way to spin it so that you and everyone they know will agree, the narcissist is gentle and you’re requiring rough treatment, or you’re at fault somehow.

The world of a narcissist revolves around their ability to have their mask validated, and all the influence that comes from that validation.

How does a narcissist typically respond when you share your feelings about being hurt?

The narcissist will react by further validating and having their mask validated, and by using that information to further their influence.

You probably hoped that the narcissist might care about you, and the impact of their behavior on you. But that’s not…