Shame or Power: What Motivates a Narcissist?

No. A certain population of therapists are highly aware of narcissist’s shame. A narcissist once mentioned that after therapy he still has his “powers”. He had said a few insulting things to me, and I responded politely. He seemed to feel slighted as if I was being better than he. Hmmm…

Some victims of narcissists are highly aware of their loved one’s shame. Its how the loved one explains the narcissist’s terrible behavior, it’s a balm that almost but not quite makes sense. I’m not aware that anyone ever found lasting peace by believing its shame. Obviously I don’t know everyone.

But narcissists themselves, having no visceral interpersonal understanding of wrong and right, do not judge themselves as wrong. It’s counter-indicated by the narcissism. Instead, they view themselves as the winner or a loser. Do they view themselves as winner or loser due to shame? Or does it simply look like shame because we cannot accept its something much simpler?

There are people with some traits of narcissism who care about others, they can feel ashamed, and also behave narcissistically. But I don’t lose view of what judging one’s self defective looks like. It doesn’t look like sadism. When someone feels they are garbage, they tend to throw themselves away. That’s shame. That’s believing oneself is defective. The ashamed don’t delight…