Signs of Narcissistic Abuse: What to Look For

Most abusers display narcissistic traits but not all abusers are narcissists with NPD. While its not possible to diagnose your ex, for your own understanding you may be able to distinguish a narcissist from other abusers. Those with BPD can become abusive but they tend to fear abandonment and may instead be prone to self harm or suicidal threats whereas a narcissist tends to be the one doing the abandoning. This is often called a discard/hoover cycle, where the narcissist storms off with an “I’m leaving” routine only to return with what is known as a “hoover,” sometimes along with “fauxpologies” and promises to change that never materialize.

“Narcissism is a likely characteristic of all batterers.” (Murrell, Christoff and Henning 2007: 530) http://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.454.3106&rep=rep1&type=pdf

Both BPD and ASPD can demonstrate enough narcissistic tendencies to be narcissistically abusive but NPD tends to be more grandiose and entitled than someone with BPD and those with ASPD are not so likely to take offense to any slight or effort to discuss their dishonesty or abuse that they create a “false self” and a “false narrative” making themselves prone to self delusion.

“Narcissists have high levels of self-deception rather than intentional dishonesty.” Beware of the Malevolent Dark Triad