When ‘I Love You’ Is a Lie: Understanding Abuse

If he loves you, he would not be abusing you. A trauma bond occurs when a person relies on an abuser to get their emotional needs met. The abuse itself creates the emotional needs that the abuser soothes, which perpetuating the cycle of abuse. Love is not supposed to be abusive therefore the claims are nothing other than a lie, and associated with what is known as a trauma bond. A push and pull to keep you connected to him. One minute he will tell you that he loves you, and the next minute he will be abusive towards you this keep you confused which is why you may be asking this question.

When an abuser says that that they love you this is translated to the following:

• They love how you love them.
• They love what you provide for them and to them.
• They love how you keep taking them back.
• They love how you make them feel, and what you do for them.
• They love that you believe what they tell you.
• They love how they can manipulate you every opportunity they get.

Abusers tell their victims that they love them to keep them emotionally attached which is a manipulative tactic that is used to keep you bonded to them. As you may be aware that their words do not align with their unhealthy behaviors…