Why Fixing Issues with a Narcissist Feels Impossible

No. The narcissist’s issues are not like their partner’s issues. Unless they are both narcissists, the resolution of their problem is very different from the resolution that serves their partner. The resolution for the narcissist is opposed to the resolution for the partner.

Narcissists are indifferent/hostile to the wellbeing of their loved ones. They don’t require their partner or others to be well in order for the narcissist to feel happy. Instead, the narcissist requires the people around them to validate that the narcissist is a deserving valuable person.

So while a partner may try to resolve some hurt based on behaviors by the narcissist, the narcissist is only hurt by the partner’s perception. So duping the partner into upholding the narcissist’s mask is satisfactory. But being duped by a narcissist only compounds our dissatisfaction with them. Eventually, the problem resurfaces.

We have emotional requirements that don’t look like the narcissist’s requirements. Coming to terms with our, and the narcissists’ shortcomings, reaffirming our love, and dedication may make us feel good. But the narcissist doesn’t come to terms with shortcomings, nor do they feel any love or dedication that can benefit from reaffirmation. They are insulted by the notion that they have any shortcomings.